


when i saw you

by dekkaisdefyinggravity



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, excessive usage of horizontal rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-03 16:51:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2857994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dekkaisdefyinggravity/pseuds/dekkaisdefyinggravity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt: "neil telling charlie that he has feelings for todd and todd hears everything."</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i saw you

**Author's Note:**

> Secret Santa gift for c-haosdreaming on tumblr, Happy Christmas!
> 
> I'm pretty sure I used terms that are accurate for the time period, and I think that none of the attitudes expressed are completely unrealistic?  
> (Disregard the title, they are my Achilles' heel)
> 
> Also, FYI my Todd is _always_ autistic, and he reacts to emotions like I do.
> 
> Please point out anywhere I forgot to use Americanisms - I know I got "math" but I probably missed some stuff :)

Neil leant against a tree, using the hand behind his back to play with the bark. Charlie swung around in front of him and stopped walking, just barely deciding not to twirl.

"You wanted to talk to me?" he asked with a smirk. Of course he knew what this was about - Neil had taken him out to the woods and was sighing and leaning? Neil had a crush.

It was  _definitely_ on Todd.

* * *

Todd, leafing through textbooks and putting together study notes from them. Neil, standing over his shoulder and suggesting ways of rephrasing this or shortening that. Charlie, rolling his eyes and not even bothering to ask them to hang out, because Todd would look to Neil and Neil...

That was it, Charlie thought. Neil wanted to spend every waking moment with Todd and was succeeding, and he was going to get badly hurt when Todd realised what was going on.

Todd might be an invert, might not, but whichever way he was he didn't know that there was more than one option. When Cameron said he looked like a stiff, he wasn't wrong.

They all thought the same way at first and Todd actually  _listened to_ his parents, liked them even, so he wasn't gonna  _know_ about inversion. If he didn't know what it was beyond "a sin" then he was gonna reject Neil, maybe report him for it. It wasn't going to end well.

* * *

While Charlie thought about this, Neil was sighing. Eyes fluttering shut, head leaning against the tree, general aura of pensiveness - the works.

"It's Todd."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "He forgot to give your chem notes back? Because that'll just be an accident, and-"

" _Charlie_ ," he huffed. "I  _like_ him. He's really - nice." The big, sort of flickery grin he was wearing  _hurt_ and Charlie had to ask.

"Is he-"

" _I_ think so. But."

Charlie rolled his eyes and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I know you're gonna talk about it to someone. Go the fuck ahead."

Neil beamed and launched straight into, "He really doesn't like to  _say_ them, but if you..."

* * *

Todd was  _finally_ finished with his chem and he leant back in his chair, sighing. He counted his homework for the night on his fingers, thinking of what else there could be to do -  _ah_.

He settled his chair back onto all four legs and reorganised his desk set, looking for his notebook. Why was all the work Mr Keating set like that? His subconscious seemed to be all out of mysterious, floating figures.

He was also running out of places to look for his notebook. Todd frowned at the table, then inside his bag. His frown deepened.

He'd had it at the meeting last night and hadn't needed it since, so Todd glanced out the window and saw that it was still light enough to go out without a flashlight. But if it was in the cave...

Todd sighed and picked up the flashlight from where it was tucked in to Neil's bed.

* * *

Mr Atherton caught him on the way out. He pointed to Todd, then at a point on the floor near to himself. Todd went promptly and smiled reflexively at him.

"What are you doing with that flashlight, Anderson?" he asked without much suspicion. Todd was glad he'd prepared an excuse; he was really the only one of the group teachers didn't seem suspicious of.

Continuing to smile he said "Mr Keating held class outside today, sir, and I dropped my notebook. I need it for work. I'm just looking for it." When Charlie and Neil had been showing him how to lie, they'd been very clear on only mentioning people you could trust and making sure it was mostly true. He hoped this counted.

Mr Atherton huffed at the mention of Mr Keating and dismissed him with a nod.

God, this wouldn't go well if Mr Keating didn't cover for him.

He hurried across the field to the point of entry they used at night - it was the more noticeable way of getting there, but he could have dropped it on the way back.

He wondered whether to use the flashlight, but it was basically light and Neil thought any use of it for non-dramatic purposes was a waste. (It always made Todd smile, even when the others were rolling their eyes at him.)

* * *

When he got to the cave still without his notebook, Todd gave a regretful look to his already-muddy pants. Dirt was pretty obvious on the grey, but there wasn't anything for it, so he switched on the flashlight and ducked into the cave.

The cave was nowhere near as creepy during the day and nowhere near as mystical without the Society; lit up and empty it just looked like a hole in the ground. A hole in the ground containing a discarded piece of bread roll, a thriving city of beetles, and Todd's notebook.  _Right_ under the lowest part of the ceiling.

He grimaced and went to all fours, shuffled forward in the dust, and retrieved the notebook. His retreat from the cave was quick and he jumped to his feet the second he could, before shaking the notebook and patting down his clothes. Hopefully he could evade Mr Atherton on the way back or at the very least convince him that wherever Mr Keating had taken class was exceptionally dirty.

As he took a short cut out of the forest he continued to try to pat the dirt from his blazer, only stopping when he heard voices.

It was pretty dumb, but Todd had read a lot when he was a kid, and his first thought was that the voices must be smugglers. He definitely  _felt_ dumb when he recognised Neil's voice. Todd forgot the feeling when he heard what Neil was  _saying_.

* * *

If anyone but Neil had waxed lyrical about a crush for so long, Charlie would have fucked off or maybe resorted to violence. Neil, though, Neil was  _born_ for the stage and the arts, so his monologues were- Charlie felt sorry for him, really. The crush was obviously a big one, and Charlie pitied him.

Yeah.

That thought became more genuine when Neil started to rhapsodise about Todd's  _shoulders_ of all things - for Christ's sake, they all got changed in the same place and Charlie  _knew_ Todd was a skinny fuck.

Neil had been producing weirder and weirder analogies for going on half an hour, so Charlie was surprised when Neil finally used Todd's name. The wind must have picked up just then - maybe God Himself was also shocked by that - because a tree shook for a second.

* * *

Todd had basically been transfixed at first; who'd ever heard of an invert who talked about it so openly? Neil was avoiding the guy's name, but all the "he"s made it pretty obvious what he was. Charlie wasn't even reacting, so did that mean he knew? Was he one too? He couldn't be - he'd heard his mom dismiss his uncle's defence of them. Inverts were lonely and twisted, and Charlie had the most friends of any of the group.

He stopped being transfixed and actually jumped when Neil _did_ use the guy's name.

Neil (a boy) talking about a boy the way Knox talked about his _girl_ was a surprise, true, but  _Neil_ talking about  _Todd_ the way Knox talked about  _his_ girl? There was no precedent for this one.

Todd escaped the forest as quietly as possible and went quickly enough that he didn't even fix his appearance once more. He probably exceeded the school speed limit, but not many people were in the hallway anyway and people were used enough to Todd's presence in That Group that slightly weird behaviour probably didn't even register as weird any more. He was grateful for this as he slipped into his room.

His and Neil's room.

Damn.

* * *

Neil felt lighter from finally getting to talk  _about_ Todd, the way his sweetness burned. He skipped on the way back to their room - alone, because he'd asked Charlie to leave him for a while.

Being alone in the forest had always just felt right to Neil.

Now, so did talking about Todd, and to Todd, and hearing Todd talk. He was interesting too, maybe more interesting than he was sweet - and he was interesting in a different way from the previous crushes he'd had. He was interesting in a safe way.

He sighed and looked to the sky once more before going inside.

When he walked past the old school photographs he gave them his customary nod, but it must have been more noticeable than usual, because Mr Campbell - St Paul, carefully noting down all observable sins - gave him a serious look before deciding that calling him over would have been too much trouble.

Neil straightened his uniform perfectly while walking, a skill he had acquired at fourteen, and made his way to the rooms at a steady speed. When he passed Nolan's office, he looked respectable enough to please his father.

He smiled again when he passed Pitts and Meeks arguing over where exactly Charlie should attach a wire to the ceiling, debating camouflage versus function. Charlie had a look on his face of determination and confusion - of course he did. Meeks was involved.

* * *

Todd had just about resolved Neil as an invert in his mind when Neil entered the room. He was still way off understanding Neil liking _him_ , Todd Anderson.

"Oh, have you started working on Keating's assignment?" Neil said, eyes on Todd's notebook. He moved it from his knees to the desk and shuffled up to it. Neil's eyes were intent on anything and everything, all the way down to his tie in the mirror when he tied it. 

"Uhh."

Neil raised his eyebrows and  _Jesus_ couldn't Todd act like a human for five minutes?

"Yeah. I'm pretty stuck," he said. There: English. He quickly lost that triumph though, as Neil walked up and leaned over him. Todd kept his eyes on him.

"Bounce some ideas off me?"

If Todd was brave he'd say something now and lean in.

Neil's face fell. "Or not? If you don't want to." Neil backed off and Todd was mostly relieved.

He smiled at Neil and said, "I'll be fine."

Neil shrugged and returned to his bed.

When Neil was focused on his math textbook, Todd lightly hit the notebook against his head and tried to force himself to think.

He couldn't. He tried for maybe five minutes, until-

* * *

 "Neil?" Todd looked nervous, like when he was new and not sure about them.

"Yeah?" He tried to look open, because Todd shouldn't be backsliding like that.

Even so Todd sighed, stood up, and said, "I'm going to-" as he gestured at the door jerkily, then basically fled.

Neil frowned. He'd thought Todd was getting more confident about his poetry - it was always really good.

Todd went to Mr Keating's room without really knowing why. Mr Keating couldn't find out; teachers were supposed to report inversion, and Mr Keating was still a teacher. Despite what his co-workers wanted, but that was all the more reason he couldn't break more serious rules. Todd knocked anyway.

"Enter."

"Mr Keating?" He entered, but slowly.

"Todd! What is it you need?"

He stepped forwards, thinking of what he could possibly say to figure this out. The background noise of the school got angrier and angrier and he couldn't ignore them and Mr Keating looked concerned at him.

He swallowed. "I..."

Mr Keating was standing, when had he stood? He closed the door behind Todd, and they were angry but there were less of them. His breathing was one of them, and it was fast. Mr Keating wouldn't report anything.

"Do you think it's true about," Todd struggled to fish out the word, "Homophilia? That it's a disorder and that it's wrong?"

He felt himself be guided to the chair and he sat down. His eyes were closed and they stayed closed.

Mr Keating replied quietly and seriously, nothing like when he was serious during lessons; there was no excitement in his voice but it wasn't severe and that was a relief. He said, "Don't ask any other teachers about that."

"I know sir."

"Good. And no, Todd, I don't. Do you?"

Todd shook his head quickly. His eyes were still closed.

There was a pretty long pause before Mr Keating spoke in his normal voice at a regular volume. "Do you need anything else?"

Todd opened his eyes in surprise because this wasn't that easy. He looked at Mr Keating and saw a kind smile and knowing eyes. Todd found himself smiling back.

He rose from the seat and said, "No sir, that's all."

Mr Keating nodded and said, "Dismissed."

As Todd left, he called out, "One more thing," and paused as Todd turned back, "I told you. It's not sir."

Todd nodded, startled, and fled.

**Author's Note:**

> It's your choice whether you think Neil followed him lol
> 
> dekkaisdefyinggravity on tumblr


End file.
